Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
they're like a gay fantastic four
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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