My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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