what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
where does the pee come out of this thing
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
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There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
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Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.