i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
It's just like the Real World with babies
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I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
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So much puke
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.