Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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