I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
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sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
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I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday