I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky