I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae