I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.