she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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