summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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