I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So vagazzling was a success
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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