I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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