Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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