just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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