yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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