Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
How does one acquire holy water?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
