Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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