can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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