Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
