Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
