dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
my poor anus
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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