so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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