I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
