ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
