We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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