Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
