How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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