The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize