i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
