If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
