Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize