I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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