I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Your cock deserves a montage
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
