you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
