also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
