eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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