There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
