My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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