I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
