A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
