awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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