Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
