She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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