Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
