Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
