Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize