I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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