Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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