Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
