she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize