Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
