Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
