you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
