I hate all girls vehemently.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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