I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize