I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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