Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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