gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
