Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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