The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
