We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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