This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
