ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
