Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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