Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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