I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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